I imagine that a lot of people reading my posts wonder about my attitude to the disease that lived in me, notice I used that as a past tense, in other words during the seventeen years that I had it. I refuse to acknowledge it as if it is still here because on Sunday night I told it to go, to leave my body, I’ve had enough already, and like an obedient horrible germ it left, good riddance.
Anyway looking back at some of the worst times and how I described myself as some sort of superhero. I think the worst was a day in 2012 while still in Colorado, on the previous day/evening I’d reheated a leftover meal that had been in the fridge and felt fine when I went to sleep. But I woke a few hours later and felt quite nauseous and thought I was going to throw up so I edged my legs off the bed with the intention of going to the bathroom. My legs wouldn’t hold me so I didn’t stand I just fell headlong on the floor. Now falling isn’t good at the best of times but when you have MS and are about to chuck up its even worse. I tried to get up but I couldn’t raise my body I was unbelievably weak. Using every ounce of strength I dragged myself the two feet forward so my head was in the bathroom over the tiles rather than carpet. I then vomited big time, now this is gross but please understand I had no strength in my body as my head lay on the tiles in my puke….. yeuk….the next three hours were filled with multiple recurrences of the same. Not being able to stand meant that at 2 am I was laying naked on the bathroom floor so I was a tad chilly to say the least. About an hour later I’d managed to crawl into the walk in wardrobe onto the carpet. I laid there for probably another three hours until I knew I would die naked in my closet with puke on my face (don’t laugh) until I decided I had to try to get some water. It probably sounds like I’m exaggerating but I’m not, I have to drink about 4 plus litres (a gallon) of water each day. I’ll not drag this out although there’s lots more grungy horrible stuff. After an hour of crawling and falling face first I managed to get into the kitchen and get water bottles from the fridge. Imagine being so weak you can’t balance on your hands and knees or raise your arm over your head. several friends said I should have called but as I said it was impossible to lift my arm high enough to grab my phone off the nightstand. Fortunately that episode has only repeated itself similarly twice in the four years I’ve been back. I honestly do think of myself as a Bruce Willis or Jason Statham because when it’s been bad it’s been really, really bad but I knew it wasn’t time to say goodbye to the world, I knew that I had to call on the hero within, obviously I did.
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