They’re leaving…

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They’re leaving.

As I’ve said on numerous occasions, the incredible inner peace, the gratitude, the joy and the “I want to give the bird to the doubters” feeling makes me have that smug look you see on the faces of people that know something you don’t is plastered on my face constantly. As each day dawns for about a week now I’ve had these feelings because I don’t just think it’s working, I know it’s working. The journey as we know is likely to be a very long one, a two or three year dedicated one and I know there are likely to be days that are trying to sow seeds of doubt. But that isn’t going to happen with me. I’ve maintained a positive attitude for as long as most kids are in school, I’ve had some horrendous days, days that I’ve been puking and had diarrhoea at the same time. Days I’ve fallen and couldn’t get up for seven hours and been forced to sit on the floor, naked at 3 in the morning and that was in November a couple of years ago.

I’m not healed and not in my wildest dreams could I have expected that to happen within three months of starting this program, but the subtle changes that are happening, some staying with me for days, fading then returning are making me feel so good. I know it’s changing my life, it’s making it not just bearable but enjoyable. For almost two decades I be had really offensive, obnoxious squatters living in my house, but guess what…… they’re leaving.

My promise..

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My promise.

In mid August Janet and I chatted on Facebook and after numerous chats it was agreed I’d start officially on a very special journey. I truly wanted to believe that it was not going to be a lifelong journey but one with a very specific destination. That destination was going to be an elusive place called Health, this elusive place is a very popular destination but sadly not visited by everyone that takes the first step towards it, not literally of course but mentally committing to it. It’s so sad because for one reason or another that commitment, that promise becomes an excuse, a reason why it’s just not a feasible journey to make. After seriously attempting at least fifty, probably closer to a hundred other possible solutions to a disease that the world’s medical profession say is incurable, I honestly believe that this method, perfected by an incredible woman is truly going to work. I’m not unique, I’m not special, I’m not lucky, I’m just determined. I’ve been more physically active than most people, I was a bit of an adrenalin junkie, that doesn’t make me better than anyone else, but it does make me selfish. I’ve been there, done that, have the T shirt and video, and I want it back. I’m big time p¥¥¥¥¥d off, I’ve had nearly twenty years of being sick…. I’m done.. I’m fed up with it. For this reason I’ve committed myself to this journey, I knew it was going to be long, like walking from Lands End to John O Groats, I feel I’m doing well, I’m getting better, I’ve no doubt about that. I think I’ve made it to Somerset in three months, still a very long way to go but I made a promise to myself, and anyone that knows me knows I don’t break my promises.

The finish line…

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The finish line.

As anyone with multiple sclerosis, or any seriously debilitating disease knows, the options and choices during each day are very limited,  shall I read now or later? should I watch a movie on Netflix? What am I going to have for lunch? It’s not exactly challenging. No it’s not but when the most important thing in your life is what do I need to do to save my life, then the other things become a pleasant distraction from the multitude of things whizzing around your brain. Obviously I’d like to be able to live a decent life for what I believe will be at least another 25 years, so as a healthy man which I’ll be I have to find a way of earning money, disability benefits are enough.. ish while I’m sick and disabled but it won’t be there when I’m better. With this in mind I think I may have found the way and I’m excited about it, I’m not going to share the specifics yet but hopefully in a month I’ll have good news, but that’s for later.

First thing this morning and right through to now which is early Friday afternoon I’m feeling really good, I did notice my afternoon weakness but it definitely wasn’t anywhere near as bad as previous days. Midway through my third month and the bad days are not as bad and the seem to be a week or more apart, so all I was told at the start of this journey is actually happening. No one is going to tell you a specific day when you’ll feel stronger or be able to walk or any of the thousands of milestones that will litter our journey. We are all different in millions of ways, our age, our age when we got it, where we live, our support system or lack of, I think all of those things are going to be influential but none more so than one thing and that is following the plan and sticking to it. We all make mistakes and I know I’m guilty of it as much or more so than anyone else, but recognising them and accepting that as a weakened body our minds have to take up the slack and mentally push and push toward that finish line.

It’s not easy, but..

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It’s not easy, but…

As I said in my previous post, I knew I’d be good on Tuesday actually both Tuesday and Wednesday were great which sort of does and doesn’t surprise me, the longer I get into this program the closer I get to accepting that good things happen. I think anyone that has multiple sclerosis will have got their hopes up on numerous occasions only to have them crash down with a vengeance. In my case since my initial diagnosis in February of 04 I must have researched a thousand things, not necessarily a thousand but hundreds that have made claims, some ridiculously outrageous claims of cures that can be achieved within a week or a month and all you have to do is buy their products. So it was only natural to have been slightly concerned and a little cautious about getting too excited about following this protocol. However there is a massive difference between what I’m doing now and anything I’ve looked at or tried before. Firstly I was invited to become part of a group all doing the same thing as in trying to heal themselves of multiple sclerosis. The membership requirements were simply that I truly had MS and that I wanted to heal myself, no entrance fee, no monthly subscription, nothing, nada, zilch. I am truly blessed to have been asked and I know that like others before me that being healed and being able to live again as opposed to existing will happen. I tell myself everyday and this should be acknowledged and accepted by everyone with this hideous disease, no matter how many times you fall, throw up, have diarrhoea, get confused or have someone, friend, family or medical professional tell you it can’t work, ignore them and never, ever give up. Your body, the thing you live in is depending on you to do it right, it’s not easy but it works.

Will power..

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Will Power.

For me and everyone else on this very tough, demanding, frustrating, confusing,  journey, the one thing that will help us push through all the above emotions is a 100% commitment and belief that success and a return to good health is within our grasp. I’ve had what most people will think of as an adrenaline junkie existence, I’ve ridden at more than 145 mph on my Yamaha FZ1000 Genesis, not a particularly clever thing to do but it was me 20 years ago. Mind you as a speed thrill that didn’t rate much compared to a 180 mph head down no-lift  dive when skydiving, I’ve done 834 of them, skydives not no-lift dives. I was also a hang glider, SCUBA diver, mountain biker, rock climber and a pilot.  I’ve also been very lucky to have been to 21 countries and to have lived for eleven years in Colorado in the USA.

Having done so many wonderful things is all well and good,but it’s in the past and has no bearing or influence on this disease, it doesn’t discriminate between people from different countries, their gender, faith or lack of or if someone is good or bad, it just takes you, whoever or whatever you are.

Now when it comes to healing this so called incurable disease, the same  applies, as in if you follow and stick to the protocol then it matters not one iota who you are, your gender, your work, blue or white collar, if you do it as per plan and it will work.

Now there are going to be hiccups along the way, I personally have them on a regular basis, Monday was a pig for me but falls, frightening weakness and serious balance issues are particularly difficult to deal with as I live alone. But as I said, they are hiccups, it’ll be good on Tuesday (I’m writing this Monday evening). I’ve always believed that I’d heal myself, even ten years ago when at the time I’d been suffering with this for four years I kept telling myself I would find a way although I didn’t know specifically how, I just knew. Since reading the book and learning there was a documented record of the to beat this hideous disease,  my confidence is justified, now there’s proof. Now it’s not just down to my belief, now it’s the ABP added to my will power, it’s a done deal.

Should I be ?

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Should I be.

The ABP is a well proven protocol perfected by the late and great Ann Boroch curing herself of multiple sclerosis within just four years, since then, numerous others have gone on to do the same. Reading one of her books, specifically “Healing Multiple Sclerosis” filled me with a greater level of genuine hope and optimism for the future than any doctor, medical professional or method I’ve ever seen, used or read about since being diagnosed with this hideous disease in 2004. Unless you are unlucky enough to have it or are living with someone that does you can’t be expected to truly understand how this affects one’s life. It can transform you from a healthy active person as I was to just a mind living inside a body that you have very little control over and is in some degree of pain in a part of the non conforming body 24/7.

Anyway when I learnt about Ann Boroch, her achievements and more than two decades of health then her inexplicable death just over two months ago, I became very excited, nervous and quite frightened. Excited because she proved it isn’t incurable, nervous and frightened about my commitment and would I be able to follow the protocol correctly and if so would it work for me?

I see things very differently now, I’m still excited but the nerves and fear no longer exist in my life because now I have absolute confidence in the protocol and in my ability to do it. The only “Should I be” in my life now has nothing to do with being nervous or frightened, no, now it’s Should I be making plans for my future, the answer is “Hell yeah”.

Saturday…..

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Saturday.

What a great day that was, I’d made a couple of changes on Friday that had put me closer to complete compliance with the protocol and both Friday and Saturday were great, obviously my midday weakness was still there but as I mentioned yesterday the weakness wasn’t as radical as its previously been. I think the fact I have to drink almost two litres of water more than what is suggested on the ABP is a problem not everyone has but I’ve tried cutting down a couple of times before which resulted in major problems. About two years ago I’d told myself that it would be okay to cut back by a litre. I just didn’t drink as much in the morning, by about 10 am I collapsed and just didn’t have the strength to get up off the floor, frustrating and very humiliating as my bladder ignored the fact I couldn’t get up. Fortunately my niece who was my carer at the time responded to the text “help” I was able to send, when she arrived and helped me get into a kneeling position with my body resting on the sofa. She helped me by using a straw to drink half a litre of water, 30 minutes later I was able with assistance to get up. So five litres of water is about 40% more than suggested but believe me when I say in my case it’s absolutely necessary. Anyway yesterday was great and I’m 100% happy and committed to this, I know there will be days that are okay days or even bad days but I’m confident their number will be dwarfed by the good days….

Inspirational..

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Inspirational.

Over the past ten weeks I’ve attempted to follow the ABP, each day I’ve done what I felt was right although on several occasions I’ve either kicked myself in the butt because I’ve realised I was not being strict enough with myself then made the appropriate adjustments. However a couple of times the headmistress, oh sorry, Janet has very firmly but kindly put me straight on something I’d neglected to do which is to read and comprehend the labels. I think I need to apologize to myself and to Janet for not doing something that in reality is fundamental to succeeding. I know I will succeed but only if I pay attention, I’m actually really annoyed with myself for ignoring a procedure that’s absolutely necessary.

I think Friday was truly the first day of compliance even though the arrogant I know what I’m doing part of me thought I was but wasn’t doing it right. I did feel tired at 12.30 but not as tired and certainly not for as long. I felt stronger, more stable and coordinated and I believe that’s down to doing it right. As I’m writing this which is Friday at 11.30 p.m. I feel great and this past 15 hours have felt quite inspirational, I know I can cope quite comfortably with the restricted diet, the adjustment of foods, the 5 plus litres of water and the supplements have been considerably easier to swallow than my pride.

P.S. A comment, if it’s not working ad you or a loved one isn’t healing, it’s not because the ABP doesn’t work its because it’s not being done correctly, a simple fix….Do it right!!!!

Consistently surprising…

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Consistently surprising.

I start each day the same way, I can imagine my days would probably seem to be extremely boring to most people but it’s not to me even though in my pre MS life I was an extremely active man. I Start each day and make an assessment as to my overall condition and how the day is likely to proceed based on my ability to move around and if I’m feeling particularly weak or in pain. Well I’m always weak and in pain in comparison to a healthy person so it’s more a case of the levels of them. What is surprising me, very pleasantly is that I’m noticing far more positives than negatives, it isn’t a case of any improvements that happen remain at that level and can be added to positives from previous days, no they slide back. But what I am becoming more aware of is that a month ago I’d go one step forward and two steps back, that’s all changed now, the reverse is happening, now it’s two steps forward but only one back. So although there are daily improvements and negatives I’m more aware of my condition now as a positive in comparison to a few weeks ago. There are definitely specific times that I could complain of my weakness or uncoordinated movement but in reality there are improvements that are consistently surprising me. If you were to take a snapshot of the good and bad now and compared them to snapshot of good and bad a month ago, the good would be significantly better and the bad wouldn’t anywhere near as bad. I’ve said this many times before and I’m probably going to say it another thousand times, thanks Janet.

Not all good…

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Not all good.

Most days I write about the positive things that are happening, I believe in being positive and optimistic, as far as I’m concerned that’s a far better place to be, positive attracts positive… right! there’s no point, no future in whining, “oh woe is me, why am I always suffering”, if that’s what you send out then that’s what’ll keep coming back. So my attitude is that I’m so grateful for the improvements that are happening, there’s no doubt in my mind, not a single iota of concern or worry, “I am getting better, my condition IS improving”…  So saying these things must mean that I’m in a great place physically and mentally because of all the positives right!! Well not exactly, it’s not all good all the time, the positives happen yes but it’s not a cumulative effect, I’m not as weak or as unstable as I was but…. I’m still weak just not as weak as I was, my weakness, instability and pain was bad, if I consider that at level 10 then the improvements overall have moved me to level 9, it’s better definitely but it’s still freaking horrible when considered to a 24 hour condition. I’m not healed, I can’t walk or sleep on my back, if I do I can’t sit up in the morning, I end up sliding off the bed and spending half an hour completely exhausting myself trying to get up off the floor, it’s so frustrating and painful so now I sleep sitting up. But…. and this is such a big but, when I look at how things are now in comparison to how they were and how they would have been if I hadn’t been so, so lucky to have been told about Ann Boroch and her protocol. I have MS but my condition is improving just because I do things differently than I did 10 weeks ago, in the grand scheme of things my life is better and the very small improvements, small and subtle as they seem, are massive to me. I will stick to this because it works unlike the drugs and contrary to all the naysayers, the medical professionals that say multiple sclerosis is incurable, no it’s not all good but it is a damn site better than it was and I for one am so happy about it.