Jason Statham….

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The worst.

I imagine that a lot of people reading my posts wonder about my attitude to the disease that lived in me, notice I used that as a past tense, in other words during the seventeen years that I had it. I refuse to acknowledge it as if it is still here because on Sunday night I told it to go, to leave my body, I’ve had enough already,  and like an obedient horrible germ it left, good riddance.

Anyway looking back at some of the worst times and how I described myself as some sort of superhero. I think the worst was a day in 2012 while still in Colorado, on the previous day/evening I’d reheated a leftover meal that had been in the fridge and felt fine when I went to sleep. But I woke a few hours later and felt quite nauseous and thought I was going to throw up so I edged my legs off the bed with the intention of going to the bathroom. My legs wouldn’t hold me so I didn’t stand I just fell headlong on the floor. Now falling isn’t good at the best of times but when you have MS and are about to chuck up its even worse. I tried to get up but I couldn’t raise my body I was unbelievably weak. Using every ounce of strength I dragged myself the two feet forward so my head was in the bathroom over the tiles rather than carpet. I then vomited big time, now this is gross but please understand I had no strength in my body as my head lay on the tiles in my puke….. yeuk….the next three hours were filled with multiple recurrences of the same. Not being able to stand meant that at 2 am I was laying naked on the bathroom floor so I was a tad chilly to say the least. About an hour later I’d managed to crawl into the walk in wardrobe onto the carpet. I laid there for probably another three hours until I knew I would die naked in my closet with puke on my face (don’t laugh) until I decided I had to try to get some water. It probably sounds like I’m exaggerating but I’m not, I have to drink about 4 plus litres (a gallon) of water each day. I’ll not drag this out although there’s lots more grungy horrible stuff. After an hour of crawling and falling face first I managed to get into the kitchen and get water bottles from the fridge. Imagine being so weak you can’t balance on your hands and knees or raise your arm over your head. several friends said I should have called but as I said it was impossible to lift my arm high enough to grab my phone off the nightstand. Fortunately that episode has only repeated itself similarly twice in the four years I’ve been back. I honestly do think of myself as a Bruce Willis or Jason Statham because when it’s been bad it’s been really, really bad but I knew it wasn’t time to say goodbye to the world, I knew that I had to call on the hero within, obviously I did.

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Indiana Jones..

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Indiana Jones..

You know when you’ve been sat in the cinema totally engrossed in an action movie like “Raiders of the lost ark” when the hero Indiana Jones is trapped in a desperate situation or a “Rambo” movie and Stallone is cornered by some really mean dudes with knives intent on slicing his throat. You are sitting there and although you’re on the edge of your seat with your eyes wide open staring at the screen. It’s a really serious moment and you can feel the tension in the whole theatre but deep down you know….you know that Indiana Jones or Rambo is the hero in this so no matter what’s thrown at them, no matter how bad it looks, you know without a shadow of doubt that the hero will save the day. He will crawl over broken glass and fight a dozen armed bad guys or drive at breakneck speed through a busy streets at midday to get where he needs to before the deadline. Well my friends guess what… Indiana, Rambo and Arnie is me…. the desperate situation, the gun battle and knife fight is my everyday occurrence but that is how confident I am. Everyday, every moment of everyday is like a life threatening battle to me, but I can assure you, I am going to win. Indy  Rambo and Arnie……whatever, bring them on.

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Real or not real….

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Over the years especially since working in an organization dedicated to helping people that had either been told there was nothing that could be done for them by the so called medical experts or that the only life they could look forward to was decided by how long the drugs could keep the alive. Not a good selection of choices, so they had decided to look at what is termed Alternative medicine. As I’ve said before this is a totally wrong description for what in reality is true and natural medicine, not the synthetic chemical solutions suggested by the drug pushing army of people that should know better.

So, real or not….Most medical professionals will constantly tell you that they personally only believe and promote pharmaceutical drugs that have been scientifically proven to help. Sounds good, yes.. well no it’s not, what they are telling you is what the pharmaceutical manufacturer has told them to tell you.

When the morons that have agreed to be new drug testers report back, some will say “yes, this drug relieved my symptoms” of whatever it was being tested for. Some will say ” no this didn’t help at all”, but there will also be a group that say something like ” it didn’t help and it gave me diarrhoea or it made me throw up or I constantly had nausea”, there are also the ones that can’t say anything because the drug killed them….

So the pariah, oops sorry, the pharmaceutical company submit the doctored and adjusted in their favour results to the FDA who 9 times out of 10 pass the drug for human use.

The problem here is the drug market is a multi trillion dollar industry, and there is a revolving door between Big Pharma and the FDA, which is why drugs are often passed.

So the scientifically proven isn’t really scientifically proven, it’s just that it makes billions in profit and when the people got sick through taking the drug sue the company, it’s only a very small percentage that’s needed to compensate them, so in reality the compensation paid out is inconsequential to the moneymen.

The true natural remedies that are frowned on and referred to as having Anecdotal evidence are real and have been for hundreds of years, they just haven’t been lining the pockets of the slime balls with no conscience.

I’m not just making this up, I’m not spending hours thinking of ways to vent, stop for a moment and think…..

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Delicate…

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Being me is confusing, I mean I’m me….Stefan, born and raised in Liverpool, one of 7 kids living in a 2 bedroom house with an outside loo, no bathroom, it was tough. But then again it was an amazing childhood, not realising that tough love was the best love. No, my siblings and myself didn’t have the benefits that children take for granted these days but “not having” in some ways was so much better than the way some kids get and expect “things” these days. Yes my upbringing was tough but as I grew up into an adult I realised my childhood was “the best”. As an adult I very much appreciated things and looked after the material things I was able to afford. I’ve travelled around the world quite extensively actually, far more than the Liverpool lad ever expected to. My career in the I.T. industry had tremendous rewards but they were only achieved through hard work, understanding the computer industry in its infancy was a lot harder than it is today where electronics and computer technology is part of every child’s life. Anyway the getting up at 5 am and driving two hours to work in London became “the norm” to me and was easy to adapt to from the having less than and harder beginnings I grew up with.

The learning experience with “Doc” in Colorado taught me so much more than just going for my doctorate as I intended, my “baptism by fire” was way more than planned or expected.

So the being me and confusing part…..I think my understanding of the human body, my body and “the disease”  in a more detailed way than most other people can. So why can I not understand why I have night sweats and wake sometimes so weak that rolling onto my side or sitting up is nigh on impossible. Going to bed and being cold laying under a thin duvet but waking as if I’ve spent the night in a sauna and my limbs are strapped to my body is to say the least, a little disconcerting and a tad worrying. Yes I’m scared “shitless” for the first hour till I drink a litre of water and cool down, why is it? I just can’t figure it out, yes I’ve MS but why is the hardened and been dragged through the mill scouser so flipping delicate.

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Only one way…

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It seems in life that there’s always an alternative way to do anything, almost everyone has an opinion about the way certain things are done, some people like to do things by the book so to say. I imagine that a lot of the older generation, me included prefer to do things “the right way” as in to not take shortcuts. When I was a young man in the army it was always a case of doing things in the way the military had done it for hundreds of years. I suppose from then on my attitude had been forged into the mindset of “If a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right”. I think as I became more technically savvy I saw that there were shortcuts available that didn’t seem to alter the end result too much so it was considered an acceptable alternative.

There are things that an alternative way is OK to do but when the subject matter is more important, as in my life then taking shortcuts is not acceptable. That being said then it’s understandable why I refuse to put drugs into my body that do nothing but fool your body while temporarily masking a symptom. There are several mainly organic supplements I take daily which have enabled me to slow the progression of this disease but I’m not fooling myself into thinking that they alone will cure me.

Attitude: In my case and I’m stating quite clearly that when I maintain a positive and optimistic attitude, when I brainwash myself into believing I am improving then that’s what happens, I improve!!!!  It matters not one iota what anyone else thinks or believes. If I meditate and listen to positive outcome videos on YouTube and feel better then that’s all that matters. The doctors and neurologists have told me categorically that I will only get worse, they try to be nice and pacify me but their view is I will die a painful and frustrating drawn out death. So in my view, my opinion is that they know diddly squat and there isn’t only one way, the slow and painful death is simply not an option. I will confound and amaze them all, I will not just beat this, I will thrive and guess what? as Frank said ……………………………………. I did it my way..

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Worth it…

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I talked about how honoured and fulfilled I felt to have worked for Dr Huggins, everyday I would talk to people interested to know more about him and his methods to actually cure the health problem they or a relative of theirs were suffering with. Myself and my team would spend all day either explaining how and why his protocol would work. The protocol consisted of two main things, removing the cause of the problem and then correcting the imbalance in their body chemistry. Now I’m sure a lot of people reading this will doubt what I’m about to say but there is documented scientifically proven research to justify what was done. Your mouth is always open to contaminants and toxins. Eating and drinking foods and drinks that are loaded with chemicals to enhance the way your taste buds perceive they taste and encourage you to eat or drink more. Your teeth are treated by who you think is helping you, not all but still many dentists until recently still placed amalgam fillings. You’d be told it was silver so you’d think it was ok but in reality until 1976 it was 52% mercury then zinc, copper, tin and maybe 8% silver, after 1976 it became the high copper amalgam which is 33 1/3 %  of mercury then copper and zinc, less mercury but the combination of the three metals made it more toxic than before. Frightening to think that mercury is the most toxic non radioactive material on earth and some dentists still put it into your teeth.

Anyway I could rant about this till the cows come home, anyway, Dr.Huggins and one of two other dentists would correct the body chemistry (Dr Huggins) while the dentistry would be done by one of the other two. The two week clinic would often result in if not complete cures then very nearly and significantly better than before.

During my time with Dr Huggins hundreds of people attended a clinic or a Huggins trained dentist and did the Huggins Recovery Program, a lesser version of the full clinic. To see patients change from being told there was no chance of recovery from a so called incurable disease was such a rewarding experience.

I truly believe that my time with Doc, seeing the clients that became patients because of me makes having this disease worth it, I gladly accept the struggle I have knowing that I would never have been in the position with his organisation to have helped so many others if I hadn’t truly understood.

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Meant to be….

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I first went to live in Colorado because I’d met a woman, we married in 2002 very shortly after we met, I’m sure to many my actions probably looked to be rash and not something done by a 45 yr old man. It was impetuous yes, but it seemed right at the time, both Dona and myself felt it was…… love. Over the following years I realised that it wasn’t love on either side. I wasn’t happy especially when I learned that she’d been having an affair, I’m not saying she was totally to blame but the marriage was over six years after it was started.

At the time I was working about 40 miles south of Denver so that’s where I relocated and was happy in Colorado Springs. It’s strange but moving to America was stressful and certainly made my life very challenging knowing I was 5,000 miles from my family in England, divorced and with a flipping incurable disease. But I think everything happens for a reason, me working for a great man that was living a decent life even though he had been diagnosed with the same disease as me. His research had enabled him to live relatively normally as long as he maintained a strict regimen of natural supplements to keep his body chemistry balanced.

As I said I think everything happens for a reason, me getting MS then becoming an integral part of his team enabled me to learn so much from him and because of him. I truly believe that my life became so rewarding, so fulfilling by being able to help so many people. I’m not saying that all of the 17000 plus clients and patients I talked with were all helped but thousands were and for that I feel so blessed. I know working with Dr Huggins wasn’t where I intended to go but I know it was where I was meant to be..R.I.P. Dr.Hal Huggins.

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Only positivity..

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I’ve talked about the power of the mind and how the subconscious mind, the part  that regardless of your beliefs is in constant interaction with whoever or whatever is in control of everything. Some might say God and some might say the Universe and then again others think there is nothing or no one in control other than yourself. I personally believe that if you think you can or if you think you can’t……. you’re right. I believe in being positive and to always see things as they are. It might not be good right at this moment but it will get better, there is always a reason to be optimistic. In my view you attract what you think about, sadly, as most of us are guilty of this, wanting things, health, wealth or love but the problem is we all think more about what we don’t have or don’t want more than we think of what we do want. As my life has moved on I’ve realised that so much is affected by my moods and feelings, on days that I start out exuding confidence then my whole day seems to flow better and the opposite is true. So I have to maintain an optimistic, positive and grateful attitude, I have no room for negativity in my life, I can only allow positivity to enter.

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Surpassed..

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Surpassed.

Looking back at my life so far, and by the way it’s got a lot further to go, I’ve done a lot of things, probably much more than most people will ever get the chance to do in their whole life and most of my accomplishments were mainly done in just over half of mine. Things like the skydiving and Hang gliding I’m sure most people wouldn’t want to do them but there are other things I just feel blessed and very lucky to have been able to do. I’m sure the travelling to more than 20 countries around the world would be desired by lots of others.

Those things were mainly done before I was 45 so the last sixteen years have been limited physically. But going to live in America for eleven years and working for one of the world’s incredible people was a truly amazing experience, especially during that time to have been able to genuinely helped and improved the lives of hundreds of people that desperately needed it.

So I’m proud of all those accomplishments that have taken place so far but in reality although I can’t go anywhere and I’ve not been able to help people in the same way, I’m actually amazed and very proud of my determination, my commitment, my strength mentally of course. I honestly believe that being where I am, knowing this hideous disease is trying to kill me and failing, I am so proud of myself and have surpassed all the expectations of the doctors that originally diagnosed me and knowing I’ve a lot further to go.

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Me and me…

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Me and me….

Almost every minute of every day there’s a voice chatting away in my head, in everyone’s head,  in my case it’s me talking and giving me an opinion, sometimes it’s about the foods I can or can’t eat or about a book I’m reading or movies I’ve watched, but in the main it’s about me. The two me’s are the one that thinks and talks and the other is the one that does or doesn’t in my case. The two me’s are quite different, there’s the conscious one that thinks and tries to physically do things and then there’s the subconscious one that in reality controls everything I actually do. The conscious mind can probably think and control about five things at any one time, I think it’s closer to seven in a healthy person. Now compare that to the subconscious mind, a completely different kettle of fish. Most people will dismiss the talk of the subconscious mind as a bit “Out there” a bit weird and not real or important. It might be hard to comprehend when you just think about it.

The subconscious mind, everyone’s subconscious mind makes decisions constantly in fact billions of actions are controlled every……wait for it…….. every second. So my subconscious and your subconscious is making decisions thousands of times faster than the world’s most advanced computers. Even if this fact seems too incredible to believe, it’s still true, and while you and everyone else have been reading this short paragraph the subconscious mind has made more decisions than there are seconds in a month. So being that powerful I believe it’s perfectly acceptable to trust it has the computing power to fix what’s wrong in my body.

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