Die off….

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Die off.

As I’ve started this new phase of my life, I keep reminding myself that the changes I’m making will provoke the bad just as quickly or even quicker than the good… what I mean is as I’m changing my diet and a couple of supplemental additions and subtractions the organs in my body start to function differently, mainly because the functionality has been radically impaired over the years, and I do mean years, literally. So as one organ is limited another can’t do the same because it’s totally different in its composition but the body as a whole makes or tries to make compensation in one way or another. Like when you have bursitis in your shoulder and can’t raise your arm, you automatically adjust by tilting your body and going up on your toes to reach what normally would’ve been easy before. So getting back to the changes, the good part is it’s trying to replace the damaged cells with healthy ones which in itself sounds good. The problem is the bad has to go somewhere before it’s eventually emitted from the body, during this transitional phase it passes through filter organs such as Liver, Kidney s, Heart and Brain. The fact is this temporary transitional phase creates problems, this can be referred to as Die Off….. that’s happening now, it’s temporary, I’ve got to feel worse before I feel better.

Me talking to myself… be strong Stefan, now it’s time to not just “Talk the talk” now I have to Walk the Walk.

Another phase….

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Another phase.

In the time I’ve been alive and I’m in my sixth decade now I feel I’ve in the main been very lucky, I mean who in their whole life gets to travel to more than twenty countries around the world, I have. The sports or pastimes or whatever you chose to call them have been amazing, some would refer to them as thrill seeking things such as Skydiving and Hang gliding, I did a fair bit of both. As a pilot, admittedly it was only small planes like the Cessna 208 but it was exciting although not as butt clenching as when I was learning to fly a helicopter, I ran out of money before I got my rotor license. I think the most scared I’ve been was as a SCUBA diver, that stands for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus…. had one or two fairly desperate dives, but I survived. In my teens through to late thirties I was a rock climber and there was rarely a week went by that I couldn’t be seen wearing the multi coloured lycra gear while on my mountain bike. You can add several really fast, as in 150 mph and 0 to 60 in under 3 seconds motorbikes, so I’ve probably done more than most especially when you consider living in Colorado for 11 years.

I came back nearly five years ago because of this disease, multiple sclerosis is quite a hideous bugger to cope with, but unlike the millions around the world that suffer with it, I will beat it, I will be symptom free and get back to the life I once had. This has been a horrible 13 plus years but at the end of the day it’s just another phase of my life.

Quite frightening…

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Quite frightening…

In the past I’ve written about how optimistic I am and how positive I feel because of the supplement I’d started taking and the changes it was provoking in my mind, to a certain extent as I’ve said before, a part of that was to inspire and motivate myself. I mean, think about it, here’s me with a disease the medical professionals around the world are claiming is incurable. So there’s little old me, living alone constantly saying I will somehow beat this with no medical resources and living on disability benefits… hah…. So how on earth am I supposed to do that….  I’ve been quite strong with myself mentally, I’ve tried to remain focussed on the nutritional side, not eating crap and meticulously taking natural supplements.

Well about a week ago a dear friend of mine in Wisconsin in the U.S. sent a link to a wonderful natural health practitioner and nutritionist that mysteriously died, I say mysteriously but we all know she had been killed…. hmmmm I wonder who or what could have benefited from her death, I not saying it was big Pharma but… anyway she had written several books all about natural health, one particular book had been written after she cured, yes cured herself of multiple sclerosis. I read all 5656 pages and have been following her advice on how she changed her life. Now it’s still only been a few days but this is actually frightening me, not because of anything bad, on the contrary, I’m already noticing very small, subtle improvements and I’m trying hard to restrict my enthusiasm but I absolutely, honestly believe that this is going to work.


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Another paragraph from her book, something I’ve always known but never truly understood, this explanation along with many others, will I’m sure make the difference between me believing and me absolutely knowing what needs to be and will be done in the incredible process of my healing.

When examining our thoughts, we need to also look at our emotions and how the two work together. Thoughts feed emotions, and emotions feed thoughts. The two are inseparable, and if they are negatively based, they will create a vicious cycle that affects your health. Most negative emotions are based on fear. If you examine emotions such as shame, anger, guilt, jealousy, rejection, and blame, you will likely find that fear is at the root of them. Unfortunately, throughout our lives we have often suppressed uncomfortable or painful emotions, though we still carry them around in the present as what many call “emotional baggage.”The body has a cellular memory, and it retains this unresolved information. Over time, holding onto fear-based emotions, such as guilt or rage, will weaken your body. Therefore, it’s important for you to feel these emotions and then let them go.


Last man standing..

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Last man standing.

At the end of the day, some will have fallen, not a complaint or criticism just a fact, the enemy is extremely powerful, they don’t take prisoners, you can give in, wave a white flag  and plead for mercy but those merciless, ruthless bastards, excuse me…but no other description fits, they don’t give a crap, it’s a case of kill at any cost… So the options for those unlucky enough to get trapped in their sticky spiders web is stop wriggling, stop trying to get free and die…… or….or…be a pain in the ass, keep trying to free yourself, don’t give up. The attitude of most people is to be the former, to accept that it’s impossible, that the sticky web wrapped around your limbs while you are desperately trying to walk up an escalator that’s going down is just too much. I can see that to 99.9% of people that giving up is the logical choice, the only feasible option. Having the spiders web constantly being spun, regardless of what you do it’s there, you might manage to pull a lot off one day but guess what, when you wake the next day it’s completely covered you again. Spin all you like, do what you will, you always win by simply tiring, by exhausting, by frustrating, by demoralizing, but guess what, do what you will but it’s me,, Stefan that will be the last man standing.


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It’s strange how the medical profession in the 21st century are supposedly so advanced that in their opinion are constantly discovering diseases through tireless dedicated research, weird that most are diseases that just didn’t exist fifty or a hundred years ago. I don’t know why the fail to acknowledge that it isn’t their dedicated research it’s because they just weren’t around and it’s really the fault of the toxic preservatives, GMO’s and herbicides, pesticides and other crap sprayed on to crops and plants. Only 30 years ago the chance of a child being born with autism was 1 in 10,000 it’s steadily increased to around 1 in 10….hmmm I wonder why, it’s not hereditary so maybe it’s because of what’s being put into us. Also the “silver” filling so many people had are not silver. Yes the are silver coloured, an amalgam filling, not the resin ones, before 1976 were 52% mercury, then zinc. copper, tin and 8 to 10% silver. After 1976 they became the high copper amalgam which was mercury, copper and silver in equal portions, I have to point out that mercury is the most toxin non radioactive substance on earth. The food, vaccines, farming and dentistry have all been responsible for the sickening rise in disease in the western world and so many of these diseases are classed as autoimmune. The doctors tell you that autoimmune means that your body is attacking itself, what they really mean is that they have no freaking idea.

Part six..

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Dr Grube picked me up from the airport and took me to her practice, it was after 7 pm but the staff had stayed behind so I could have all the necessary x-rays prior to the surgery the next day. After the full mouth series of x-rays Dr Grube took me to the motel and spent some time preparing me for what was about to happen the next day.
The next day was Wednesday and I had 7 hours of dental work done, my amalgam fillings were all replaced with a bio compatible material in the first three and a half hour sitting, the next three and a half was to remove my wisdom teeth and clean out a cavitation in number 19 on the bottom left of my jaw.
Because she used conscious sedation I didn’t experience any pain whatsoever, in fact that evening back at the motel I didn’t even need a pain killer. I went to a local restaurant and ate soup followed by yogurt.
I had no dentistry the next day, that was so important as it would enable my immune system to recover, then on the Friday I was quite nervous as I knew I was about to have my front six teeth removed, but Dr Grube was so gentle with me, the conscious sedation was applied intravenously before the anaesthesia, so no needles in my gums, well they were but I didn’t see them which I can assure you was far less traumatic.
When I awoke three and a half hours later, I felt a little strange, as in I noticed I didn’t have teeth in the front of my mouth however there was no pain at that time. I was taken upstairs to see the massage therapist who made me feel a lot better. Acupressure and massage reintroduce the muscles and nerves in your body that had lost sensation over the years since I’d contracted MS.
When I returned to the motel the discomfort and pain were starting to set in, Dr Grube’s husband, a chiropractor and herbalist had given me some herbs and botanical’s to help. That night was a bad night for me, I felt very alone, thousands of miles from home and no one to help or comfort me. I closed the curtains and took one percocet for the pain which in all honesty was really bad. I made ice packs by crushing ice and wrapping it in a wet towel which I placed over my jaw. As I was alone I had to replace this every 20 minutes which was a pain in the butt. I’d rest or at least try to, then twenty minutes later get up and refresh the ice pack. I didn’t sleep much at all that night but I kept telling myself that it was only temporary and that in a short while I’d be a lot better.
The following day was a little better for me, the manager of the hotel had put a fridge in my room and stocked it with lots of yogurt as he knew I wasn’t able to eat anything solid, he was a good man, in fact all the staff were very helpful at the Hampton Inn.

During my surgeries on both days I had 25g’s and 50g’s of intravenous Vitamin C, this made a massive difference to my potential healing. I have to point out that this was given over a 3.5 and 4.5 hr period, the Vitamin C is essential and has to be given over at least this time or the body will not absorb it.

You want to, I can tell you do, ok then but not too much..

Part five…

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Think about it, big pharma spend billions on advertising their potions, you get sick so you take legal action but in the meantime you’ve helped line the coffers of two giants. While that is happening the insurance scam is growing, the food industry are not interested in health so they pile more and more contaminants into our food. And guess what, yes you get sicker meaning the insurance and big pharma are real happy.
To add to all this the ADA/AMA and ASA are spreading more and more misinformation so you get even sicker and use more drugs, it is such a travesty of justice how these groups are conspiring to make the world a sicker place, well most of the world anyway.
In October 08 I attended a three day training for new dentist’s in Colorado Springs, at the end of the first day I was leaving the hotel, in the elevator with Dr Blanche Grube and Dr Marilyn Medina, Dr Grube asked if I was going to have a total dental revision. I explained that this wasn’t possible financially for me although it was probably more important I have it than for most other people. When I explained I had MS, the shocked look on both their faces was a picture I’ll never forget.
Dr Blanche told me….yes told me that I was to come to Pennsylvania for treatment, then to my utter surprise told me that she would do this treatment for nothing, nada, zilch money. With tears in my eyes I hugged her and thanked her from the bottom of my heart, after nine years I was finally going to get better. I’d had the necessary impressions made with a local Huggins trained dentist which were then sent to Dr Grube, I’m sure you can imagine how excited and nervous I was when I arrived in Scranton knowing I was about to have an operation that could possibly change my life.

One or the other..

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Think about it? I really dislike doing this but when it comes down to it my life is the most important thing to me, so I can either accept that what I have of life is the best it can be and please understand that it’s pretty crap as it is. My day regardless of which one as they are all the same, my day begins when I wake which is usually around 5.30 am, I tend to check emails, play words with friends and meditate till I get up at 7.45 ish. At this time I’ve also drank a litre of water with baking soda. Breakfast is just a Snack a Jack rice cake then my supplements. I shuffle to the sofa and probably read. My days revolve around drinking about 4 1/2 litres of water with stuff in, having lunch and seeing my neice/carer for 45 minutes. Writing for my blog and watching a bit of early evening tv before going back to bed 12 hours after I left it, apart from 20 trips to the loo that’s my day Monday through Sunday. So as I said I can either accept that, or believe there’s something more. I don’t know what you would do but I do know what I would do…..Any freaking thing….. I’m never giving in even though what it is now is crap, although the weather to most of you is nice, it’s horrendous for me, just living my life is tough but the heat and humidity make it ten times worse, it really does. So asking for help, physically or financially is downright embarrassing, it’s humiliating so please understand this is so  hard for me. If……if everyone reading this cared enough to donate the price of a Starbucks each week for a month then I’d be so much closer to having Stem cell treatment and be able to Want to live. To be totally honest with you, if this was me reading about one of you, a friend or acquaintance asking for help, I’d be ashamed of myself if I didn’t do what I could to help.

One or the other…..you either haven’t seen my plea or you don’t give a crap… Go on, a fiver a week for a month, no big deal….

Garden of the Gods…

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Garden of God’s.

Today I’ve felt really good even though it’s a hot and humid day, great for most people but it can be very awkward from me, the temperature tends to make it very difficult. I’m still trying to work out why specifically for people with MS, my thoughts although not proven scientifically is that my body struggles to carry oxygen (oxyhaemoglobin) in the red blood cells to the organs. In my opinion of course, this results in extreme fatigue so much so that my legs simply will not move or have the strength to support me. So when the weather is like today, this week then I have to have all the windows open, fans going and blinds closed, but yesterday was fine and so far today I’m coping.

The title of this post, Garden of the Gods. I was chatting to a friend earlier and was talking about our “go to places”, where I would go to for a couple of hours to just “be”, to just reflect on life. Garden of the Gods is a national park a few miles from where I lived in Colorado springs. I went to the official website and took a video tour, it was beautiful and I’m not ashamed to say I cried like a baby, I’m not depressed or sad but I really miss being there. My promise to me is like Arnie said “I’ll be back”.