No hope….

Posted by: admin  /  Category: Health, Uncategorized


In some ways I look at my situation and no matter how many times I tell myself that this will change, that the situation I find myself in, will in some miraculous way change. That I’ll wake up one morning and I’ll be cured and have millions in the bank. I keep telling myself that it’s not just a fantasy, a dream but it’s difficult to maintain this optimism when the daily challenges are becoming harder and harder.

Yesterday while chatting with Suzie we both acknowledged how much worse I am now with the disease than when I returned from the U.S. But I have to believe, I have to have faith that this isn’t as good as it gets. If I truly thought that way, if there was no hope and things were only going to get worse as I get older and less capable of “living” then I’d call it a day. It wouldn’t be difficult to end it, I’ve done more in my life that most people could ever dream of, so I have no regrets.

But as I’ve said before, that’s never going to happen, I don’t have hope because hope is accepting there are options for the outcome. It could be bad but I hope it turns out good. So that’s why I don’t have hope, I don’t need to hope for anything because I have ultimate faith that things will change for the better. My faith is in God or the Universe or whatever or whoever the ultimate power is depending on what you choose to believe. I don’t care and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or believes, I know my faith is unbreakable and I know without a shadow of doubt that there will be a day and its coming soon that everyone else says “ wow, he was right”……

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