What do I know?….

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What do I know ….

Question…..what do I know?, it’s a strange thing really, I’ve had MS for 16 years in total although the first four it was undiagnosed but I had the symptoms. So in all those years and the time with Dr Huggins in Colorado you’d think I actually would be an expert. In reality I truly know diddly squat other than some of the reasons that this hideous disease can flare up. It’s so frustrating and confusing to be in constant pain (24/7) and bearing it and accepting it as normal but then for no obvious reason to sink into a massive hole of added problems. Yesterday I felt good, sort of, it was chilly in the morning so I put a fleece top on for a few hours, then shortly after lunch it had warmed up a little so I took the fleece top off. An hour later I was so weak it was nigh on impossible to walk or shuffle in my case, my left leg just didn’t belong to me. It’s actually very frightening to be in desperate need to pee, start negotiating around the walls and then to be stuck in limbo, as I cannot move my left leg, my body goes through the initial motion of moving but my freaking left leg stays firmly planted to the floor. The fear that strikes through me like a lightening bolt as I desperately cling to the door frame trying to keep my balance. Fortunately I didn’t fall or crash into the wall and managed everything without embarrassing myself.

Why did the sudden weakness go as quickly as it came? I’ve no answer to that, could it have been the food I ate or the temperature or a combination of both, and if either was the cause then what specifically did it do to make my already compromised immune system give up so dramatically. I talked about the doctors resorting to a guessing game with the everyday minor health issues of the hundreds of weekly patients they see. I’m just trying to cope with one, me, ok the health issue is a tad more serious but when it comes to the complexity of MS it is a maze as big as the country and I’ve been trying to find my way out for sixteen years and it’s wearing me out…


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