When you just know..

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When you just know..

Since I was officially diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in February of 04 and in fact for the four or five previous years I’ve struggled mentally and more dramatically in a physical way. Knowing my physically active life to be humbled by this has been quite a challenge to say the least. But the stubborn male ego thing along with my background in natural health has helped keep me focussed on what I want. I think every person has done silly and selfish things in their life and I’m no different. I’m certainly not worse or particularly better than anyone else so to go through the pain, frustration and heartache has been annoyingly hard and I’ve told myself again and again that I don’t deserve this. There have been times, I’ll not say days but definitely hours that I’ve slipped into a very dark place, but as I’ve said on several occasions, I always find the strength to climb out of what could easily have become a dark cavernous hole of despondency. I often just sit in the dark and meditate and reflect on how lucky I really am, yes it’s been almost two decades of this crap but it could have been worse, I could be totally incapacitated, I could have lost my sight and be 100% dependent on someone else to help me, but I’m not. And although I’m a long way into this and there’s no logical explanation for why exactly but I just know it’s about to change for the better, I just know.

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