I’m hurting…

Posted by: admin  /  Category: Health

I’m hurting.

I constantly tell myself I’m ok, my life is better now than it was in my last year in Colorado which was 2012, the last year there my illness was making my life so, so difficult. I’d lost my job and the unemployment benefits had ended, I’d used up what little savings I’d had so there was nothing left. Having multiple sclerosis but not able to get any medical help after being rejected by Memorial Medical Center put me at the lowest point in my life. I knew that it was only a matter of weeks that I’d lose my apartment and my truck and have no money to buy food or my essential supplements. I was extremely lucky that my wonderful mum and sister brought me back to England. I stayed with Suzie for five months and she helped get me sorted with a place to live and disability benefits, there is no doubt that I’m so lucky to have them both.

But I try every moment of every day to motivate and inspire myself, yes I have books to read, tv to watch, my computer, kindle and mobile phone to keep me busy, along with writing for my blog or my book. I don’t get bored, there’s too much to do. I have to occupy my mind, I have to keep busy because if I stop and just listen to music I think about what I had, where I lived, the beautiful friends I had. My house, my truck, I loved my Dodge Ram with a 5.7 litre hemi engine. I think of my life back then, my beautiful life and I miss being in Colorado so much, I miss being in the “Garden of the Gods”, sitting in one of the most beautiful, tranquil places I’ve ever been to, when I’m alone in the dark I’m not depressed but I feel so alone, distant and so isolated,  I don’t like to admit it but I’m hurting so much.

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